2026年4月15日星期三

An Interview with Tsering Woeser

 

An Interview with Tsering Woeser

Kamila Hladíková

Born in Lhasa in the summer of 1966, amid the turbulence at the outset of the Cultural Revolution, Tsering Woeser’s mixed Sino-Tibetan origins and early education in Mandarin prefigured the poet’s estrangement from her ancestral land. Her lifelong exile was first spiritual, and then, inevitably, material. Unlike many of her fellow uprooted Tibetans, the present locus of her exile is Beijing, where she is largely confined to a heavily surveilled high-rise on the outskirts of the city’s inner circle. The view from her window stretches to the chaotic tangle of highways and flyovers of the outer ring roads, foregrounded by a forest of cranes and skyscrapers. Yet the apartment itself, furnished in the Tibetan style, featuring an agglomeration of Tibetan Buddhist objects and a small personal shrine, provides tranquil refuge from the curtain of smog shrouding the megalopolis that hems Woeser in.

For Woeser, the ultimate refuge, however, is her wide-ranging writing practice, comprising poetry, essays, blogging, and documentary narratives of modern Tibetan history. Though her mother tongue is Tibetan and she grew up speaking a Kham dialect, Woeser learned to read and write only in Chinese. During the economic boom of the nineties, she had the opportunity to publish her works on the Chinese market but ultimately chose not to comply with the strictures of the official system.

Her first poetry collection, Tibet Above, was published in 1999 by the Tibetan People’s Publishing House of Qinghai Province. Her second book, the essay collection Notes on Tibet, however, skirted more traditional publishing channels and was carried by an influential liberal publisher in Guangzhou controversial within the Party. It was banned as soon as the authorities in Lhasa caught wind of it. This proved to be a pivotal moment for Woeser, galvanizing her desire to write more openly about the situation in Tibet. The first thing she focused on after becoming a “dissident” was the heavily tabooed subject of the Cultural Revolution in Tibet. In 2006, she published Forbidden Memory: Tibet during the Cultural Revolution, a documentary treatment of personal photographic material left behind by her father (a high-ranking officer in the People’s Liberation Army), and Memory of Tibet, a collection of oral histories. A prolific blogger and essayist, Woeser remains a poet at heart. Rebel Under the Burning Sun, a new collection written during the author’s last visit to Lhasa in spring and summer 2018, is forthcoming in English, translated by Ian Boyden. Woeser is the recipient of numerous honors recognizing her literary and humanitarian achievements, among them the U.S. Secretary of State’s International Women of Courage Award (2013), the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Courage in Journalism Award (2010), and the Norwegian Authors’ Union’s Freedom of Expression Prize (2007). 

—Kamila Hladíková

 
How was your understanding of Tibet shaped, and what compelled you to begin unearthing its “forbidden memory”?

I am three-quarters Tibetan and one-quarter Han Chinese. I was born in Lhasa. I have spent about two-thirds of my life in Tibet, partly in Lhasa and partly in the eastern area of Kham, and only one-third in Chinese cities, first Chengdu and now Beijing.  

For a long time, during my educational years, I did not distinguish between Tibetan and Han national identities. We all studied in Chinese and everybody was speaking Mandarin. I have not had any Tibetan education. At the time, Tibetan language education was not established in any part of Tibet.

I left Lhasa when I was four years old and came back when I was twenty-four. Only then did I realize that I had been completely Sinicized and become a stranger in my own homeland. My identity was confused. At one time I thought that I had solved this question: I convinced myself that my identity as a poet transcended everything, and that national identity was not important. In fact, I had lost myself, and from my current perspective, the process of searching for, resisting, and finally accepting myself really took me too long.

Part of my understanding of Tibet comes from reading. In the earliest phase, I read Thubten Jigme Norbu’s Tibet: Its History, Religion and People (co-written with Colin Turnbull), In Exile from the Land of Snows by the American journalist John F. Avedon, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s My Land and My People and Freedom in Exile, all in Chinese translation. The interesting fact is that the first two books were published officially in Lhasa in the 1980s. The authorities allowed them to be translated as material intended “for critical evaluation” but did not expect them to become so popular and they were banned very quickly.

Another part comes from my life in Lhasa and my extensive travels throughout Tibet. As I have written in my poetry collection The White of the Land of Snows: “Having experienced many changes during my life, bathing in the exceptionally splendid sunlight of Tibet, unceasing and resistant to the wind of changes, I gradually started to experience and truly appreciate the compassion and wisdom of Tibetan Buddhism. Gradually, I was able to see and hear the glory and the suffering embedded in Tibetan history and presence . . . that all gave me the sense of a mission: I wanted to tell the world about the secrets of Tibet.”   

So, what are the secrets of Tibet? In my view they are embedded in both the hidden present reality and the hidden past. In a synopsis to a new story that I am working on about an aristocratic family, I have written: “There are too many gaps between us and the historic Tibet, between us and the geographic Tibet, between all the innumerous small details. It is the reason why I want, through the story of one aristocratic family, to put more light on the collective memory, the trauma of one nation. I want to attempt to use a personal story to fight back and regain a part of my own history, the history of my land, that was stolen and forcefully rewritten.” I hope that through the story of my own family I will be able to excavate the voice of an oppressed nation.    

After publishing Notes on Tibet in 2003, you became a “dissident,” and with dissident status came the inherent politicization of your work. Nonetheless, much of your writing, not only your poetry but also your nonfiction, is highly personal, subjective, and rich in literary or poetic flavor. How do you navigate the relationship between your political status and your literary voice—do they go hand in hand for you, or do you feel that becoming a dissident has limited the reception of your literary work as such?  
 
In terms of form, my writing can be divided into four categories: poetry; literary nonfiction (essays, travelogues, and narrative pieces); journalistic and documentary texts, including commentaries; and long-term research-based work making sense of archival photographic material of Cultural Revolution-era Tibet left behind by my father.

In a certain sense, though, I am always writing poetry. Whether I write an essay, a story, or a commentary, my approach is always as if I was writing a poem. The Chinese character for poem (诗) consists of two components, one representing “speech” and the other a Buddhist monastery. Taken literally, a poet’s tool is thus both aesthetically and spiritually purposive. A poet endowed with the exceptional ability to perceive beauty can at the same time become a witness and use poetry as the vehicle to express what one remembers.

As I wrote in Notes on Tibet, which was banned for “serious political mistakes”: “The enormous and suffering body of Tibet is pressed by a stone pushing onto its spine. ‘Glory’ and ‘indifference’—I can only choose one!” By “glory” I meant not only the “glory” of the poet, but also the “glory” of someone with a conscience.  

A person of conscience must face both present reality and history upright, no matter how cruel. As a Tibetan poet, I have felt the tension between the two, and it was this tension that ultimately scattered the “ivory tower” and “art-for-art’s-sake” stance of my previous writing. In autumn 2004, as my work underwent this transformation and began to touch more on Tibetan reality and history, I wrote: “So one should write, if only that they be remembered; / And this shall be the author’s pitiable claim to righteousness. / Of course, I am not worthy. I’ll be, at most, one who reveals at times / her private thoughts.”

That Notes on Tibet was banned meant I was expelled from the official system and thus became a “dissident.” Paradoxically, for me it was a liberation of the soul. If I had stayed within the system, I would have become resigned and depressed. Since the Tibetan protests in 2008, and the self-immolations that followed, everything has changed—I have started to see myself as a documentarist, trying not to betray those who made such sacrifices.

Nevertheless, I do not consider my work to be activism. I write to search, to clarify things, to keep my own identity, and to regain my individual voice and that of my nation.

Your writing often touches on memory—suppressed or forbidden memory, the gaps in memory, and trauma. You seem to be inspired by writers of Jewish origin (like Osip Mandelstam or Elie Wiesel) and writers whose lives were defined by their resistance to communist regimes (Anna Akhmatova, but also the Czech writers Václav Havel and Milan Kundera). How do these experiences dovetail with the experiences of Tibetans in the twentieth century?  

One sentence from Milan Kundera’s The Book of Laughter and Forgetting made a very deep impression on me: “The struggle between a man and power is nothing else than a struggle between remembering and forgetting.” Those in power use lies to construct memory, to make people forget, to confiscate and destroy memory. Memory is the foundation for our individual as well as collective existence. The history of a nation consists of the personal histories of its people. Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am”; but in Tibet, it should be, “I remember, therefore we are.” We need the memories of eyewitnesses.

The way I write today is a gradual expression of my own Tibetan identity, which is closely bound up with Tibetan history, geography, and traditional culture, as well as with the personal history of countless Bödpa (Tibetans). Retelling personal histories, our own or those of others, is in fact a means to restore personal and collective memory. It is a kind of healing process, at least for me.

As my writing developed into a more self-conscious stage, I started to pay attention to writers, poets, and scholars who have resisted totalitarianism (especially communist totalitarianism), colonialism, and imperialism. As Edward Said wrote: “Colonialism and imperialism are for me not abstract terms, but rather a specific life experience and form of life, almost unbearably concrete.” In fact, only because of my own experience with colonialism and that of my nation did I start to read and be influenced by works dealing with colonialism and post-colonialism. Among them, the deepest influence came from Said, whom I can almost consider my teacher. Recently I reread his book Culture and Imperialism and once again felt really inspired by it. I should add a few more names, like Fanon, Camus, Naipaul, and Rushdie. Because of my own experience, I am interested in other totalitarian regimes and the writers, poets, and scholars who examine them, including the former Soviet Union and Eastern European countries like Czechoslovakia, Poland, and Romania.

In some of your essays you have questioned the Chinese “right to represent Tibet.” There are not many voices from Tibet heard worldwide aside from the official Chinese narrative and Tibetan voices in exile. Do you encounter any voices representing Tibet coming from within? Is there such a thing as “real Tibetan literature”?

I never questioned the “right” of the Chinese or Han people to “represent Tibet.” Wang Lixiong, for example, is Han Chinese, but his books and articles about Tibet are extremely deep and sober works about Tibetan history and the present moment. In fact, the key question is not who has or does not have the right to represent some place, but how best to represent it. What I have questioned, or what I am against, is the representation of Tibet based on the ideology of state nationalism and national unification.  

Actually, this is not only the problem of Han Chinese people. Tibetan intellectuals within the system hold the same positions and, as they try to please the authorities, their waists are even more crooked. I used to work as a reporter for a Party newspaper and as an editor for a Party periodical, I even wrote some “main melody” reportage pieces. I know very well what it is like when you do not have the right to speak for yourself. Intellectuals have no choice but to swallow their conscience and comply with the rules about what to talk about and how.

And what is so-called “Tibetan literature”? Is it literature from Tibet? Or literature about Tibet? Or is it literature that is written in Tibetan? I worked as an editor of Tibetan Arts and Literature for more than ten years and as I understood it, the whole term “Tibetan literature” was coined in reference to the works written under Party leadership. The Party invested a lot of money and effort to establish this Tibetan Arts and Literature magazine in Lhasa, and the only reason was to let it speak for the Party. It is the Party that designs, organizes, and censors “Tibetan literature”­­­­­­­­­—if the work complies, it can be considered “Tibetan literature”; if not, then it is not. Back then I planned to do special issues on “Amdo literature”, “Ü-tsang literature”, and “Kham literature” to cover the whole of Tibet. I even made contracts with local writers from these areas to submit their texts. But in the end I could not finish these special issues as I intended, because all “Tibetan literature” had to go through the censorship of the propaganda department and they thought it was supporting the “Great Tibet” and did not approve it.

And what is Chinese literature? What is American literature? If I write something in Tibetan, but not about Tibet, is it still “Tibetan literature”? Herta Müller, who also lived under a totalitarian regime, once quoted the words of another emigrant: “Homeland is not the language you speak but what you say.”  If you do not talk about the reality of life in your homeland, the local language only becomes a cruel tool for whitewashing. Therefore, I strongly oppose the use of this so-called “Tibetan literature” concept.   

Of course there are voices representing Tibet. But we should not limit them only to Tibet proper. Voices from within Tibet aren’t the only “Tibetan voices.” People from the West who want to listen can hear many of them. After His Holiness and tens of thousands of Tibetans were forced into exile, an unprecedented number of Tibetan voices speaking many languages emerged. There are Tibetans who write in Chinese, English, and other languages, and their voices are no less rich and colorful.

For decades now in the West, Tibet has been “orientalized” as the exotic and mysterious Shangri-la. Many so-called supporters of Tibet refuse to see it as a real place with real problems. To me it seems that–hand-in-hand with “modernization”–this “orientalization” has been one of the key strategies used by the communist regime to legitimate the Party’s “civilizing project” in Tibet. I have noticed that the efforts of Tibetan writers seem oriented towards “writing back” against these stereotypes. Do you see Tibetans as “prisoners of Shangri-la”?

Has the West really “Shangrilaized” Tibet? Yes, but mainly in the past. After several centuries of continuous in-depth research, as the Tibetan studies scholar Elliot Sperling once told me, the (Western scholarly community) has realized that it is problematic to picture Tibet as mysterious. Nowadays, they are paying attention to the real situation in Tibet, both historical and present, and their scope of interest has for quite some time expanded beyond religious studies. There is a lot of research and discussion, for example, about the Tibetan self-immolation resistance to the Communist regime.  

I want to make clear, this “Shangrilaization” of Tibet by the West is an artificial debate. Whose voices are mostly heard in this debate? Tibetan? No, in fact, the dominant voices are those of Tibetan studies scholars from China repeating and emphasizing their criticism of the Western “Shangri-la complex” or the “myth of Shangri-la” as a kind of mysterious “orientalism.” It has become part of the Chinese Tibetan studies mainstream.

There are two kinds of “orientalism” at work—one that plays with the “mysteriousness” of Tibet and another that demonizes it. In an essay called “Whose Orientalism?” I wrote: “Tibet is not the imagined pure land, but neither is it an imagined ‘land of filth.’ Tibet is the same as every other place on Earth. It is a place where people live. Only thanks to religious faith, it has a purple tinge (of the Buddhist monks’ robes). But still, there used to be two opposite approaches to Tibet, demonizing it and seeing it as sacred. They both had the same consequences: Tibet and Tibetans were not seen as real.”

Chinese intellectuals always passionately criticize the Western form of orientalism in regard to Tibet. When Said’s works were translated into Chinese, it provided a weapon for the Chinese scholars of Western orientalism, and the “Shangrilaization” of Tibet by the West was the first bullet they fired. Just as Elliot Sperling said, the Chinese criticism of the Western “Shangrilaization” has already become a myth used to legitimate their colonial rule. It is a colonial perspective whose aim is to make the West feel ashamed and stop paying attention to and supporting Tibet.

Why don’t the Chinese intellectuals criticize the Chinese form of “orientalism”? Why do they never criticize the Chinese tradition of demonizing Tibet, which is already customary in their own culture, society, and regime? They criticize the West, but overlook or excuse the behavior of their own country, because of opportunism, but also because this “big unity of the motherland” is deeply imprinted in them.

There is always a “specific political intention,” as Said called it, in whatever they do. I want everybody to see it clearly. In the Tibet debate, they pretend to play a neutral role. But in reality, they are the tools of the regime’s outbound propaganda. But their technique is more sophisticated than the usual loud and fervent Party propaganda. With their criticism of the Western “Shangrilaization” of Tibet, they in fact mask the real state, cover the authoritarian pressure, and silence the authentic voices of Tibet. At the same time, works that demonize Tibetan history and culture, like “Serfs,” the 1963 propaganda film produced by the Chinese army, are still screened today and continue to have a strong influence on the Chinese perception of Tibet. For the last ten years, the Tibetan TV news has included a two-minute propaganda piece “comparing the old and new Tibet,” presenting the past as the most miserable time and the present as the happiest one. It is a denunciation of the “evil old Tibet” and a celebration of the “happy new Tibet,” a continuous rewriting of history and whitewashing of the present.  

You should ask those Chinese scholars if they believe the Party’s characterization of the “old Tibet” as “reactionary, dark, cruel, barbaric.” Ask them if this is not a kind of Chinese “orientalism,” or orientalist demonization of Tibet. During the March 2008 revolt, these scholars criticized the West for taking the side of the Tibetans, but why did they not reflect at all about why so many people in Tibet were out in the streets, why so many people—even from the most remote grasslands—set their bodies on fire one after another, when they were all born after Tibet’s “liberation”?

How has your personal experience of “exile” (because you live in Beijing and not in Tibet) shaped your writing?  

For quite a long time I believed that “exile” meant going to another country without the possibility of return. There are tens of thousands of my fellow Tibetans in exile, scattered across many countries. Every time I hear His Holiness the Dalai Lama giving a speech to Tibetans in India or other countries mentioning “tsänjol” [ བཙན་བྱོལ btsan byol] (exile) and “tsänjolpa” (exiled [people]) it makes me sad. With the image of the aging Dalai Lama before our eyes, these words now sound even heavier.
 
Finally, I have fully understood that “exile” is the key word in my life. My people and I, both within Tibet and abroad, share the same fate. “Tsänjolpa” is our common identity. For me there is no possibility of getting a passport to travel abroad, and there are not many places where I have lived, basically just three cities: Lhasa, Chengdu, and Beijing.
 
When I was expelled from the system, I became an independent writer. But I could still frequently leave my fugitive home in Beijing and travel back to Lhasa or other parts of Tibet, so I was basically free. This ended in 2008. In March of that year, protests broke out in Lhasa and other Tibetan areas, drawing the attention of the whole world, but they were immediately suppressed by the government. That year I only spent seven days in Lhasa. It was dangerous for me to stay, so I left, or escaped, rather. After that everything was wrong. Every time I went to Lhasa I was followed and monitored. The last few years have been even more difficult, because I have continued recording the stories of self-immolated Tibetans. I was frequently “invited for tea”, visited by the police, pushed into cars and taken various places. These memories are really humiliating. I do not even want to talk about it anymore. But even more tragic is the fact that despite this humiliation I still want to go back to my beloved home.

Everybody should have the right to go back home, it is supposed to be one of the basic rights, isn’t it? It is a shame that those in exile cannot have this right. However, for me it does not matter so much anymore where I live. The circumstances of my physical body cannot leave me at a loss, because I know where my heart belongs. When the soul finds its place, the problems connected to “living in another place” have been solved. On the surface, my identity is multilayered: three-quarters Tibetan, one-quarter Han Chinese; my mother tongue is Tibetan, but I am not able to write it, only Chinese. But I do not worry about it anymore. The superficial identity does not say anything about a person, the self-identification is what really matters. As for me, I can identify with these four notions: Tibetan, Buddhist, writer, exile.

My exile is different from the situation of those living abroad. The Dharamshala-based poet Tenzin Tsundue, for example, is living in an external exile, while I am in a kind of internal exile. He lives in a host country where he can experience personal freedom, whereas I live in the occupied country and my personal freedom is very limited or even endangered.

Nevertheless, in my internal exile I can see the empty Potala Palace and cry silently as I watch its lonesome silhouette delving into the dark, when the theatrical lights go off deep at night. In my internal exile, on His Holiness’ birthday, I can go to the tourist-packed Norbulingka and offer a white khatag to the empty golden throne. And on that day, I can run into people in festive clothes, men and women, old and young, bringing fresh flowers to celebrate. In my internal exile, I can hear an old man around the same age as His Holiness saying: “We are still waiting . . . He will come back, there will be the day when he comes back to Lhasa, I believe that.”

Your writing continually alludes to things that “cannot be seen” and cannot even be talked about. What motivates your writing? Whom are you writing for?

At the beginning, after coming back to Lhasa and experiencing a kind of awakening, it was just as I wrote in Notes on Tibet: “I finally found the direction for my future writing – I want to become a witness, I want to see, explore, reveal, and let people know about those secrets, not individual, yet shocking and extremely moving secrets. Let me go on telling tales. Let me use the most common, but newly defined, purified, or even newly reinvented language, to tell the story of Tibet.”  

In 2008, I published another essay collection in Taiwan called Invisible Tibet. In May of the same year my (Chinese) blog was shut down and I was attacked by hackers. So I opened a new blog outside of the Chinese “great (fire)wall” and gave it the same name, “Invisible Tibet”. I still run it today.

Why this name? Because what is “visible” is what the authorities, the colonizers, allow and want us to see. I do not want to become their tool. There are so many “mysterious” stories of Tibet or stories that “demonize” Tibet, and readers willingly accept them, because these stories appeal to their taste. But they are not the stories I want to tell. Of course, sometimes I ponder how many people in this big world are willing to stop for a while and listen to my stories about the “invisible” sufferings of Tibetans, when many other nations endured or are still going through something similar. My intention is not to tell stories that make people feel uncomfortable or depressed. I hope that one day I will be able to talk about the extraordinary beauty of my high-plateau land of snows, shining under the free sun.    

Said once said in an interview: “I understood that my role was to tell and retell a story of loss where the notion of repatriation, of a return to a home, is basically impossible.” I often go through the photographs I made in Lhasa, twenty, ten, or just a couple years ago. I am always shocked by the enormous changes, the complete geographical change, which saddens me because it is a constant, never-ending, real time loss. Twenty years ago, for example, the Barkhor was still relatively close to the original Barkhor. But today’s Barkhor seems more and more artificial, fake, empty, rebuilt from the ground up, and it seems every day more distant from the life of the locals.

The poetry collection that I finished in 2018 in Lhasa is called Rebel Under the Burning Sun. Why this name? Because the secret police called me “ngologpa,” which in Tibetan means “rebel” (or traitor).

When I was sending this poetry collection to my publisher in Taiwan, I wrote: “The poems are like little memorials, I have used them to record the perishing Tibet, perishing Lhasa. Poetry has indeed always been a non-mainstream kind of literature, but I am not writing my poems for some niche of readers. I see these poems as the kind of monuments that, erected on the occupied land, can break people’s hearts with their beauty.”

I used to have certain ideas about who my readers could be. At one point I thought that my writing about the “invisible Tibet” and my social media activities could change the distorted perception of Tibet, but trying to resist the process of indoctrination put forth by those in power through my efforts alone proved to be very difficult. It is not just the Communist Party and not only the last one hundred years that this indoctrination has been going on. Confucianism was already doing it. In the Chinese world, some voices are never heard, because they are voices that go against the notion of unity. I gradually understood that I should write to preserve the past. History itself is the true “reader.” 

In your recent conversation with translator Ian Boyden for the August 2019 issue of Words Without Borders, you discussed the poem “Absent, or Not Absent”. I read the symbols of absence or emptiness in the poem as references to the aspects of Tibetan reality and history that are censored by the authorities. The people and events that are “absent” seem to be shouting with every step in Tibet, especially in Lhasa. Do Tibetans themselves hear them?

The word “empty” (空, pron. kong, that is translated as “absent” in the poem) can symbolize many things, from entire historical eras to something as small as a single tiny figure on a wall painting in a Buddhist shrine. It is a blank space that, just as you said, stands in for all the parts of reality and history that have been censored, wiped out, made absent. Filling these blank spaces is a kind of rejection, resistance, non-collaboration, an attempt at restoring eternal presence.

As a writer whose work centers on these “invisible” things, I myself have become an object that has been made “absent”. Like many Tibetans who have been swallowed by this unnatural “emptiness” imposed by our Others, I have my own means of resisting it. 

I wrote a poem on the occasion of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s eighty-third birthday. Perhaps it can answer your question about whether Tibetans “hear” the events and people made “absent”:
 
There are many ways of waiting,
One of them is to paint
Your face on the wall of a Buddhist shrine,
Who cares that the cadres will recognize You and report.
You may have a beard, so that you look like the Thirteenth,
Anyway, the Thirteenth is also You,
You are all of them, from the First to the Fourteenth,
You are all previous and following incarnations. 

There are many ways of waiting,
One of them is to preserve and guard every shrine that survived,
And fill the empty ruins
With mud and stones brought down from the mountains,
To rebuild the monks’ dorms and kitchens, same as they used to be,
Never to give up the faith that one day you will return to your homeland,
And all the lamas coming with you will inhabit the former Khamtsän

“We are still waiting, waiting, and waiting . . . 
Many people have meanwhile departed for their long journey to rebirth.
Our Gönpo originally had His own palace and monastery,
Had His people and land, everything here used to belong to Him,
The present as well as future lives of every person all belong to Him.”
An old man of Your age, holding my hand in the sweet-tea house
Told me this in a low voice, using honorific language, his eyes full of tears. 

“Kundun, see You in Lhasa!”
That winter, a young man from Lhasa
Travelled alone to Bodhgaya to take part in the Kalachakra initiation,
And as he slowly walked toward the old man in purple robes,
He cried out, his palms put together, hot tears running down his face. 

Another young man, from Amdo,
Before departing for his doctoral studies in the West,
Tattooed several Tibetan numbers on his arm,
The total number of years of His Holiness in this world.

Indeed, you can “hear it.” The people living in an empty place can rely only on their “faith”—it is a soundless sound, which allows you to hear the stories of people and events that were “made absent.” 



Click here to read Tsering Woeser's nonfiction, translated by Kamila Hladíková, in the same issue.

唯色/《 过境 》:一部图像小说里那些欲言又止的变故

(绘图/一匹鱼;图片提供/慢工文化) 

2009年9月,漫画家一匹鱼与妻子从中国某地出发,搭乘火车沿青藏线前往拉萨,再由拉萨乘车南下,经樟木口岸进入尼泊尔。这段旅程被他绘成一本图像小说:《过境》。



书中描绘了两次「过境」──第一次是从中国进入西藏,第二次是从西藏出境到尼泊尔──然而,这不仅是空间的移动,更隐喻着身分的转换、立场的游移、历史的回响与现实的牴触。图像与文字间,作者欲言又止,流露出在现实政治结构下很难说出口的沉重,以及沉默中饱含同情与期望了解的凝视。

采用铅笔线条与水彩交融的风格,全书的图像叙事如同速写日记,描摹出「过境」之地的异域之美,却也通过一个个日常细节呈现出绝非虚构的真实。人物常以背影、侧影、低头的姿态出现,传递出缄默的情绪;画面中的情绪留白、斑驳光影与具有异域文化符号的场景交织,使视觉语言成为另一种「叙述者」。随着图像的展示,画家悄然吐露一个个被遮蔽的变故。

一、第一次过境:进入沉默的日常

起初,画面壮阔,色彩绚丽,火车穿越桥梁、隧道、冻土层,雪峰连绵,荒原广袤,仿佛是一段大自然的奇观之旅。一匹鱼却低语:「逐渐靠近那多添了新伤的,我总在挂念的老城。」果然,一到拉萨,气氛陡然转变。

「多了许多荷枪军警的巡逻。」这是与「新伤」有关吗?转经道上、大昭寺前、哲蚌寺里,都出现了荷枪的军警、密集的红旗。藏人默默磕着长头,年轻僧人侧身看着走过的军警。街道整洁,天空湛蓝,人们低头走着,似乎心无旁骛,却有一种压抑的氛围。

「去年这么一闹,游客就少了。」汉人三轮车夫的回忆是「走了一趟鬼门关」,因被人「背后上来一砍刀」。出现一幅黑白画面:街头店门破损,车辆翻倒,烟雾腾起,武警的坦克正驶入。

那场「骤然爆发又迅速匿迹的变故」……实为2008年3月10日起,拉萨各寺院僧众和平请愿,却遭当局抓捕。 4日后,街头发生骚乱,随之而来的军事镇压将整个城市推入前所未有的高压。当时全藏许多地方都爆发了抗议及镇压。

「新闻说去年出事后,这里是重点整肃目标。」图中,两人在哲蚌寺偶遇两年前结识的僧人,对方却警惕回避。实际上,他可能是幸存者之一──据纪录,当时哲蚌寺近千名各地求学僧人被集体拘留、强制遣返,亦有多人被捕、判刑。

作者还提到「9年后会遭一轮火灾劫难的大昭寺」。这是指2018年2月,大昭寺主殿突发火灾,佛祖等身像虽未毁,金顶等区域损毁严重。当局仓促重建,却对火灾情况至今未有交代。

拉萨,实则是一座深藏秘密之城。

二、第二次过境:瞥见流亡的伤痛

在樟木口岸,两人接受了层层边检。画面中有军犬,有士兵。背包被翻查,读物被反覆翻阅,还被警告「不要去政治敏感地区」。进尼泊尔关口,又被尼方人员索贿。继而经历了徒步涉河的冒险,也与翻车落水的灾祸擦身而过。

而这次过境之后,图像与文字的气氛都发生了变化。加德满都热闹纷呈,颜色更加鲜艳炫目,市场、佛塔与藏人流亡社区共处一城。 「1959年第一批西藏难民流亡而来时,这里是他们藏身休养的一席之处。」

这里甚至可以公开售卖在中国禁售的西藏历史著作。一匹鱼从书架上取下一本书,半遮半掩的封面上两行英文,显示这是达赖喇嘛的自传《我的土地我的人民》。 「这本书带回去会有麻烦吧?」说完,书店老板动作熟练地把禁书换了书皮。一匹鱼解释:「我只单纯想了解一下历史背景。」

住在流亡藏人开的旅店里,开店的老妇人说起了1959年的逃亡,男女老少星夜兼程,徒步走了29天。 「跨过边境,我们就是丢失了自己国家的流民了」,从此与留在故乡的亲友音讯隔绝,「再没有可能相遇了」。

画面中,老妇侧脸布满岁月风霜,似乎眼里含泪。

三、途中人物:逃亡者与地头蛇

作者还讲述了两个汉人的故事。一个是摄影师老俞,曾是1979年中越战争的幸存士兵,又在大学时期参与了1989年学生运动,「六四」后被通缉流亡,两年后回来,不愿「一辈子流亡在外」。他最后选择定居拉萨,说「这地方收留了我」,要用摄影「报恩」。吊诡的是:西藏成了一个汉人的避难所,却是无数藏人被迫沉默之地。

另一个是作者的中学同学,在西藏边防部队当营长。原约好见面,却被军方告知已经「潜逃失踪了」。原来这个曾经踌躇满志的军人,因赌博负债,弃职逃亡,正被军方到处「找」。

这两个汉人的命运,揭示了国家体制与个体生命之间的裂缝,也在某种程度上呼应了藏人的处境。而那个在车上出现的「耀武扬威的藏族警察」,自称「有公务要征用车」,让全车乘客下车等候,实则是让司机送他去屠宰场买牛肉回家。一路念佛经的乘客「山东活佛」说他是「地头蛇」,惹不起。其实他是那种扮演强权角色的恶霸。他模仿压迫者,复制暴力逻辑,是当地众多「平庸之恶」的象征。

四、写给读者:你愿意一同过境吗?

《过境》不仅是一本关于西藏旅行的图像小说,虽然风景奇丽,路途惊险有奇遇,文化迥然不同──我喜欢他俩误入佛像作坊的画面,那些在院子里晒太阳的菩萨和屋里巨大的本尊护法栩栩如生。当然,偶遇天葬所给予的生死冲击也是「很生动的一课」。

但更重要的是,这本书透露了「新伤」,暗示了「旧伤」,看似随口提及,却将1959、1979、1989、2008、2018这几个西藏和中国的关键年分藏在画与画之间,让你在看书的时候感觉到:那些被遮蔽的重大变故,其实还留在那片土地上,从未消失。

但图像与叙述并未直接表达,却构筑了一个「你知道就会懂」的隐秘空间。正是这种克制而含蓄的方式,使《过境》成为一本真正「过境」的图书。

如果你翻开这本书,便已踏上了这趟过境之旅──穿越图像,穿越历史,穿越遗忘的边界,抵达更接近真相之地。

过境之后,边界仍在,但你或许已不再置身门外。

──2025年7月15日,写于北京

唯色:像这样的小事:爱尔兰的黑夜与图伯特的沉默


波士頓書評 Boston Review of Books
波士頓書評 Boston Review of Books Podcast
唯色 | 像这样的小事:爱尔兰的黑夜与图伯特的沉默
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唯色 | 像这样的小事:爱尔兰的黑夜与图伯特的沉默

1、

电影一开始,开煤场的比尔给修道院送煤。他从车上卸下,又肩扛起装满煤块的大袋子,力气惊人,满脸满手是黑,煤灰沾满破旧的厚外套,完全像一个劳动人民。饰演他的,是基里安·墨菲。如果不是他演,我不一定会看《像这样的小事》。我是他的忠实影迷。《奥本海默》看了三遍,六季的《浴血黑帮》差不多看了两遍。他的演技太厉害了。

一辆车驶入修道院。比尔走出装煤的小黑屋,听见女孩哀求父母的喊声,看见女孩被母亲推着、被应声而出的修女拽入屋内。女孩的母亲斥责她时叫了她的名字“萨拉”。比尔愣住了。这也是他母亲的名字。他那未婚先孕、早早过世的母亲。我几乎一秒也没错过。有几次还暂停,返回,重看某个细节。写这篇文章时,我又完整地重看了一遍。窗外北京的夜色很黑,几幢商业高楼闪烁着点点红光。

这部电影改编自同名小说。是的,我还买了小说来读。对于让我产生深切共鸣的事,我一向是认真的。这是我第一次读爱尔兰女作家克莱尔·吉根的小说,薄薄一本,四万多字,这么大的事她写得很克制,但很震撼。她因此被认为是当代爱尔兰文学的重要声音。比较而言,我可能更喜欢电影多一些。因为电影里的隐忍和挣扎,更让人难以忘怀。

我说的是比尔。这个为了妻子和五个女儿终日辛劳的小镇煤老板,从头到尾都在隐忍,隐忍得用刷子使劲洗手上的污迹,隐忍得深夜无法入眠、泪水悄然滑落,隐忍得只能接过嬷嬷递来的封口费,直到再也无法隐忍下去,在圣诞前夜走进修道院的小黑屋,把受罚的怀孕少女萨拉带回自己家。没有大段对白,没有激烈冲突。只有一个快被压垮的男人,背着被整个社会视为有“污点”的少女,走过黑夜的浓雾和雨滴,走过亮着圣诞彩灯的街道,走过乡邻投来的异样目光。

而我看到的,远不止爱尔兰的黑夜。那化不开的迷雾,似乎飘向了我的故乡,压在了积雪覆盖的雪域高原。

2、

电影的背景是1985年爱尔兰某小镇,修道院以信仰与悔罪的名义囚禁、剥削所谓“堕落”的女性,而这在历史上真切地、广泛地发生过。从18世纪中叶起,天主教会以“净化道德污点”为由,在爱尔兰开设多座洗衣房,将未婚先孕、行为不检、天生残障或孤苦无依的女性囚禁其中,强迫劳动,遭受虐待,与外界隔绝,直至老死被草率掩埋。最后一批洗衣房于1996年关闭,然而许多受害者至今未能讨回公道。电影结尾字幕写道:“献给1922年-1998年间,逾5.6万名被送往马格达莱纳教养院‘忏悔和改造’的年轻妇女,及其被带走的孩子们。”

我不打算复述整部电影或小说。它的核心不在于重现历史,而是揭示一种更深的罪恶:整个社会如何通过沉默与共谋,共同铸牢了压迫的囚笼。修道院的嬷嬷在礼拜天的仪式上领读圣经,宣讲“主有怜悯和慈爱”,俨然上帝代言人;私下压制真相却老练如黑社会老大:一边数钱塞进给比尔妻子的贺卡,说“事情就算是解决了”,一边提起他女儿们的品学兼优,言下之意,如果多管闲事是会自讨苦吃的,还说 “污点”女孩的事“就是小事情”。

修道院旁边的小镇上,没有人不知道那里面为何有那么多女孩,却一眼也不多看,一句也不多问,“说到底,这些事跟我们有什么关系?”这样的态度,早已成为一种社会习惯。比尔曾是其中一员。一个闭口不言、视而不见的人,只想给五个女儿更好的生活。但他更多一份压抑的隐痛:他早逝的母亲就跟那些女孩一样,未婚先孕,被家人抛弃,若非一位善良富有的夫人庇护,给予食宿和教育,私生子的他和母亲的命运不堪设想。虽然他也受到可能是生父的男人照顾,但那人是卑微的农场工人,从未公开承认,而这其实出于难言的爱。并非所有人都不肯伸手。他永远记得那位夫人的慈悲,满怀感激也满怀内疚,因为他做不到更多。但最后他还是做到了。他是英雄吗?看不出来。他不再忍受的那一刻,在电影中表现得很自然。

看电影时,我想起了我热爱的爱尔兰诗人谢默斯·希尼。他生于北爱尔兰的政治暴力年代。他的写作就像一把铁铲,铲入这个岛屿特有的沼泽地与历史的深处,也铲入日常生活和集体记忆的深层,一点点地,挖出良知的碎片。当内心挣扎的比尔狠劲铲煤,像极了希尼在《挖掘》里写的祖父,“铲的泥炭比任何人都要多”。那深埋地下的泥炭,就像深埋的真相。我记得其中的诗句:“在我的食指与拇指之间/夹着这支粗短的笔/我将用它挖掘”,这是一位诗人的宣言,击中也是诗人的我。

希尼还为“污点女性”写过诗。在《惩罚》中,一具埋在泥沼中的骸骨,是两千年前因通奸被处死的少女;“我可怜的小替罪羊,/我几乎爱上你/但知道自己会投下/沉默的石头。”他用冷静到令人不安的语言,将远古的遗骸与当代遭惩罚的女性重叠:“我曾哑口无言站着,/当你那些背叛的姐妹们/被戴上焦油帽,/在栏杆边哭泣/我会加入/文明的义愤/然而深知那严格的/部族的亲密复仇”。

这是诗歌承认旁观、共谋和施压的时刻。这些女性:古代的“通奸者”,现代的与敌军士兵相好的“叛徒”,还有修道院里被囚禁、剃发、改名、劳作至死的“污点”女孩,死于某种宏大名义下的“正确”,更死于整个社会集体沉默的围剿:“被谋杀的、被遗忘的、无名的、可怕的/被斩首的女孩,逼视斧头/和宣福……”

面对“那严格的部族的亲密复仇”,比尔用失眠和泪水拷问自己:你是否愿意伸手帮助“污点”女孩?是否愿意承担随之而来的一大堆麻烦和代价?当他再次看见关在小黑屋里的女孩,赤脚,瘦弱,全身发抖,满脸煤灰和泪迹,眼神里有惊恐也有生的渴望,他本可像妻子和朋友忠告的那样——“这不关我们的事”,“做明智的事情,照顾好你的家人和你的生意”——默默地转身走开,但他没有。他伸出手搀扶起女孩,把她带出了修道院。半路上,女孩跌倒在地,他说“别担心”,然后背起了她。

3、

那种沉默与压抑的感觉……我太熟悉了,很容易联想到我故乡的境况:走在拉萨的街头,无数摄像头如老大哥的眼睛,冷冷地注视着每个人,而这不过是日常一瞥。那些被视为“有问题的人”——其实只是想说出真话的男女——不得不活在强权构建的沉默之中。多年前,我在长诗《西藏的秘密》中写:

“谁若把深夜里的祈求变成阳光下的呼喊,

谁若把高墙下的呻吟变成传向四方的歌声,

那就逮捕!加刑!无期徒刑!死缓!枪毙!”

我写了一个十四岁尼姑的故事:“她的年纪才是我的一半。/当她沿着帕廓,边走边喊,那藏人皆知的口号,/就被冲上来的便衣蒙住嘴巴的夏天,/我正为二十八岁的生日挑选美丽的衣裳。”她因喊“让达赖喇嘛回来”被判七年,出狱后被逐出寺院,终日戴一顶毛线帽。我想送她布帽子,她摇头拒绝:“‘我头疼,带毛线帽要好受得多。’/‘为什么?’我从未听过这样的说法。/‘因为我的头在监狱里被他们打坏了。’”

我还写了在狱中唱歌的尼姑阿旺桑珍和平措尼珍;被关押三十三年的喇嘛班旦加措;蒙冤入狱的丹增德勒仁波切(已在狱中猝逝)和邦日仁波切;用馒头和监牢窗外的花瓣做念珠的上师;被判重刑的藏大学生洛桑丹增;酒醉喊口号被开除的洛丹……我接着写道:“但我依然缄默,这是我早已习惯的方式。/理由只有一个,因为我很害怕。/凭什么呢?有谁说得清楚?/其实人人都这样,我理解。/有人说:’藏人的恐惧用手就可以感触到。’/但我想说,真正的恐惧早已融入空气之中。”

我在拉萨还写过一首诗,虽然不是为这部电影而写,却像是它的注解:

“这里是充斥着隐语、暗语与耳语的地方,

只要启唇开口,用母语或非母语,

就自觉地,犯禁的话不说,言外之意都懂的。

只要稍稍涉及真实,声音立刻更低,

若要指涉某人,会以另一种密码替换:

口头上的代号、外号;或书面上的注音、缩写。”

在这里,说话成了危险的事:说真话要靠暗语,称呼尊者达赖喇嘛要用代号。这不是夸张描写,而是真实的日常。在无比灼身的烈日下,本地人深谙规避之术,母语变成了需要藏匿的隐患,“非母语”成了表忠的工具。无可奈何之下,勇气渐渐失去。就像我在诗里写:

“从何时起,这个以敬语来表示教养的古城,

犹如八瓣莲花的凋损,优雅的气度日渐稀少,

取而代之的是日益卑屈……”

就像电影里,人们充耳不闻修道院传出的哭喊声,因为一旦有所响应,就意味着无法回到那貌似正常的、安全的生活之中。“你想过好这一生吗?有些事情你不得不选择漠视”,比尔的妻子警告他。

4、

爱尔兰的黑夜与图伯特(西藏)的沉默,看似生于两种迥然不同的土壤:前者源于宗教传统与社会规范,后者来自外部强权与系统性的政治控制。我并非要将两者等同,而是想探讨一个更普遍的现象:无论压迫披着何种外衣,沉默始终是其得以维系的共谋。爱尔兰有持续两百多年的“洗衣房”;图伯特则有半个多世纪以来对信仰、语言与记忆的整肃和接管。形式不同,后果相似。藏人在拉萨低头走过摄像头,就像爱尔兰人避开修道院上锁的铁门,让我感到同样的窒息。我在诗中写道:

“奴性的肉体弯腰吐舌,奴性的舌头失去本色,

奴性的色系犹如末路,奴性的路上万劫不复,

刺激着属于地狱的时刻尽快变现。”

写下这些,我心隐隐作痛。我无意控诉个体的懦弱,只是讽喻权力如何驯化一个民族。强权并不满足于占领外在疆域,它更渴望支配人的记忆,改造人的灵魂。如今,虽然不再像文革时期砸寺院、毁佛像、逼僧尼还俗,但各种教化工程愈发精细,步步推进。比如在宗教信仰的领域,喇嘛转世被控制,寺院讲法需报备,宗派对立被精心制造……藏传佛教承载的千年智慧,从根本上截然不同于只相信暴力和利益的唯物主义,因此遭到“国家主导”的“信仰重建”,从1950年代的“宗教改革”直至今天的“共建中华民族共同体”……

电影中的神职人员并非全部为恶,但如镇上人所说,“那些修女什么事都插手”,所以年轻的修女也盛气凌人。图伯特也有类似模式:红旗下的“爱国僧人”登台唱赞歌,代表“藏传佛教的新时代”,而那些拒绝配合的僧侣不是被边缘化,便是被消失……至于普通人家,窗外是“雪亮工程”遍布,幼儿园传出孩童“感恩祖国”的稚嫩歌声。

当比尔把那个与母亲同名的受苦女孩带出修道院,“他发现自己在问:不能互相帮助,活着还有什么意义?走过这么多年,活过几十个春秋,过完整整一辈子,一次也没有鼓足勇气去反对现状,却还要自称基督徒,面对镜子里的自己,这可能吗?”这表明他并不是否定信仰,恰恰相反,他以行动捍卫了信仰中“怜悯”、“救赎”与“爱人如己”的核心精神。而我们是否也有反对现状的勇气?我不想揭开更多创伤。事实上,那看上去微弱的人性之光,恰恰在最黑暗的压迫中才最为珍贵;有些族人真的很努力,用单薄的身体遮挡猛烈的风暴,守护着那盏尚未熄灭的酥油供灯。

5、

我还想起我读过多遍的一本书:《爱尔兰日记》。作者不是爱尔兰人,而是德国作家海因里希·伯尔。翻开那本薄薄的书,他闻见空气中充满的“泥炭的气味”似乎扑鼻而来。1950年代,他带着二战创伤多次前往“圣徒之岛”,写下冷静、诚实又时常透露不安的旅行记录:“看看从爱尔兰出口的都是些什么货:孩子和牧师,修女和饼干,威士忌和马,啤酒和狗……”黑夜的轮船上,一个把脸藏在阴影中的女子还想吐露更多,却被牧师轻声打断:“我的孩子,你不该把这些连在一起讲。”

作为外来者,他看见“在爱尔兰有这么多废弃的村庄”,“在爱尔兰有那么多废弃的房舍”,空旷肮脏的小镇,肃穆华丽的教堂,“乌鸦环绕着教堂的顶楼飞来飞去,……宛如黑色的雪片”,还有叶芝的墓也被黑色的乌鸦围绕,碑文写道“骑士,向生与死投去冷冷的一瞥。”星期天早晨从教堂走出的人群淹没了大街,给他留下惊心动魄的印象。他试图穿透那层厚厚的虔诚,却发现存在一种沉默并非出于虔信,而是教会、传统与家庭规范出的秩序。

他还注意到有句爱尔兰俗语几乎成了全民咒语:“本来会更糟糕。”无论发生多大的灾难,从民族苦难到个人悲剧,都能被这句带着宿命色彩的俗语所化解。伯尔在旅途中不断听到:面对饥饿、贫穷、失业、潮湿、冷风,甚至教会统治下的不平等,人们都用“本来会更糟糕”来自我安慰。看似幽默,却是一个民族在长期的历史创伤下形成的心理防御,甚至变成了生存智慧,其实是对命运的臣服。它将本该抗争的不公,用一句“本来会更糟糕”轻轻盖过。

电影里,比尔在圣诞前给修道院送煤,先是听见被父母送来的女孩萨拉发出凄厉呼救,再去时撞见她被关在堆放煤块的小黑屋。女孩惊慌求助,他最初的反应是退缩:“这不是我能决定的”。他的潜意识里一定浮现出那句未出口的俗语。虽然没有人明说,但“如果不是因为这些修女,那些女孩就没有……”“把坏狗留在身边,好狗就不会咬人”,都与那句俗语类似。是的,她在里面——但吃得饱穿得暖;是的,那里很冷——但外面更危险。貌似明智的话语,正是共谋结构的话术。比尔挣扎了很久,痛苦不堪。

电影里,那些关在修道院擦地、洗衣的女孩,是伯尔多次旅行中没有看见、日记里也未出现的受苦女性,但她们也逃不过那句俗语:有修道院收留,已经够慈悲,本来会更糟糕。伯尔捕捉到了俗语的残酷。他的凝视与希尼的自剖相呼应。一个是外来者的敏感,一个是内部者的自责,都在追问:我们真的能够“带着那种心甘情愿的微笑讲着这句俗语”吗?难道,就“因为常有足够多的相当糟糕的事情发生,而更为糟糕的事情将为慰藉提供相对性”吗?如果我们已经知晓真相,却依然说着“本来会更糟糕”,继续保持缄默与袖手旁观,我们是否也在参与制造一个更糟糕的世界?

我们藏人社会也有一句俗语,但很简短,就是一个词,藏语音译为“Le”,大意为因缘。我曾写过:“这个词是打开图伯特的钥匙。六百万藏人共有的基因。它既是一种解脱,有时候也是一种借口,甚至还是一种麻醉剂。当‘Le’意味着解脱,言语‘Le’的人具有宗教的情怀;当‘Le’意味着借口,其实是在掩饰内心的辛酸和失败;然而,当‘Le’变成了麻醉剂,无疑在堕落、在无耻、在助纣为虐。……就我而言,我把‘Le’看成内心的历险,让我转向内省,从中获得珍贵的源泉,滋润我被某种意识形态枯萎的心田。其实‘Le’是一个奇妙的词。真正的‘Le’就像照耀雪域大地的光芒,让我们得到活下去的骨气。”

与“本来会更糟糕”相比,“Le”或许有更多的可能性,而非完全地消极认命。我曾在拉萨的一座寺院,看见尊者达赖喇嘛的形象出现在一些墙壁上,年轻时的,中年时的,也有老年现在的;戴眼镜的,没戴眼镜的,不变的是法相:戴法帽,结手印,微笑着,庄严地画在一些佛殿旁边的墙上,那墙不太大,就像家里的佛堂……

6、

不久前,尊者达赖喇嘛的新书《为无声者发声》出版,书中多次提及发声的必要性:“既然住在西藏境内的西藏民众没有说出自己心声的自由,这个责任就特别落在我个人身上,自从我在一九五九年流亡以后,我就成为为无权发言者的代言人。……身处自由世界的西藏人始终肩负着为西藏境内的兄弟姊妹代言的道德责任。……由于我已经成为达赖喇嘛,代表藏人发言、持续发声,是我一生的责任和角色。”“如果我现在不说话,那每当我要支持自由民主时,还有什么道德权利可言?……有些时候,特别是涉及人性的基本议题,不能因为权宜之计或自己的利益而默不作声。”

尊者的声音穿过半个多世纪的流亡,震动我的耳膜。这不是一个表态,而是一种发愿:身为非暴力不合作者,发声是对暴力最大的拒绝。当一个人决定在谁都不说话的时候说话,那不是因为他不怕,而是因为他明白,沉默本身就是一种暴力。尊者为那些被剥夺了声音的人发声,尊者的发声是对整个民族命运的承担。

在漫长又短暂的岁月里,芸芸众生缺的不是神的保护,而是开口或行动的勇气。爱尔兰另一位伟大的诗人叶芝写过:“一切变了,彻底变了:/一种可怕的美已经诞生。”当然他写的是起义和反抗,但他赞美的不是暴力,而是目睹个体在历史洪流中选择挺身而出,所发出的惊叹。那种决绝又孤绝的美其实很莫测,与其说可怖,不如说充满了危险和悲壮。

其实电影提醒我们,改变始于很多“像这样的小事”:当一个人决定不再漠视;当一个人不再惧怕权威说“你不要管”;当一个人背起另一个正在受苦的弱者……我不是要神圣化这部电影,只是想说:比尔穿过黑夜小镇的脚步,穿过的是爱尔兰的沉默之地,而我们,也需要这样的脚步。

小事累积成命运,无视小事即是共谋。在我的民族中,有太多“像这样的小事”: 圣山被开矿了,有人说“给钱就好”;传统节日被取消了,有人说“没什么关系”;某位作家的书被查禁了,有人说“她是不是太极端了”……可这一切,真的是小事么?

办了十多年的藏语学校被关闭,教室空寂蒙灰,牧人和农夫的儿女上“最后一课”时的哭声,仍随风回荡;一位享有赞誉的仁波切突然失踪数月,近日当局通知寺院,他已在越南身亡,信徒的震惊、悲痛和绝望却如石沉大海,无声无息;朋友圈里,一个年轻人用母语写下隐喻的诗句:“在岁月锈蚀的虎口獠牙之间/无助的飞蛾永失飞翔之路/从令人悲苦的尖刀锋刃之下/微小的魂灵被粉碎成齑粉”……这些悲剧都被禁止公开谈论,却在图伯特各地不断发生,让人痛彻心骨。

但只是在内部窃窃私语,又有谁会听见呢?很多事件因为不被外界所知,也就沉没于地下深处。那么,我们是否继续在这样的“小事”面前低头不语?是否敢于选择另一种可能?哪怕会被视为“麻烦制造者”,还是会在黑夜中起身,像比尔那样,良知挣扎着,最终迸发出勇气?尊者达赖喇嘛以九十岁高龄发出警示:“我们正面临生存危机:一个古老民族及其文化、语言和宗教的生存岌岌可危。”而这一切危机,无不是由一件件“小事”堆积组成。

7、

当比尔搀扶着女孩终于走到自家的房子跟前,就在街道边,很平常。他有点紧张地找出钥匙,打开挂着圣诞花环的门,让惶惶不安的女孩随他进去。并不宽敞的房间,一边是厨房,一边是客厅和卧室,亮着灯,传出女儿们的欢声笑语。他把给妻子买的圣诞礼物,那个他一直提着的鞋盒放下,和平常一样,先拐进门边的小屋洗手、洗脸。与女孩一般年纪的长女一闪而过,没有朝父亲这边看一眼。他和女孩站在过道上,脸上露出了复杂的笑容。电影结束,留下了很大的悬念和不可预测的可能性。

小说结尾则写了比尔的心理如同天人交战。他想到了当年救他母亲的那位夫人 “说过、做过,还有拒绝说、拒绝做的那些小事”,知道“最可怕的还在后头。”可是他如果不去救这个和母亲同名的女孩,他的余生都会在悔恨中度过。所以,他尽管心生恐惧,但“希望,而且合理地相信,他们能对付过去。”这是最后一句,也留下了很大的悬念和不可预测的可能性。

接下来的日子会怎样?妻子会原谅他吗?她之前已经提醒过他,“必须记住我们所拥有的一切,让我们站在正确的一边”,而她认为他的母亲就是那种“会惹麻烦”的女孩;五个女儿又如何同麻烦女孩相处?她们的日常会受到什么影响?她们的小伙伴和老师会怎样议论?会不会像比尔小时候的同学那样朝他吐口水?什么事都要插手的修女们肯定不会善罢甘休,而小镇上那么多人也肯定会做出各种反应。整个社会原本就是一个很大的共谋结构,早已被共识所驯服的生活秩序,是否会把他和他的家人,以及他带回家的女孩,推向被孤立的一边?

所以,我们应该思考更多。比如在我们的生活中,那些像比尔一样做出了勇敢决定的人,是否会被遗忘在下一轮的共谋中?是否会孤身一人,被现实吞没在沉默之后更沉重的沉默里?而我们是否有可能选择理解,而不是立刻拉开距离甚至参与压迫?其实在图伯特,一直都有比尔这样的人,但多数人早已变成了咀嚼着驯化甜头的奴隶,会纷纷背过身去,而这正是残酷的现状。我为此感叹过:“愿奴隶的无惧比恐惧更多,/愿奴隶的印记在轮回中消失。”

在泥沼中铲出诗句的希尼曾说:“……意识在极端危机时期所经历的矛盾的需要,一方面是需要讲真话,而这是困难又会遭惩罚的;另一方面是需要避免让那心灵冷酷到否认自己渴望甜蜜和信任的地步。”但无论如何,他相信“……捏一捏手是一种现实,相信生物之间切切实实的同情和保护本能是一种现实”。我也愿意相信,这世上存在着一条未被掐断的人链,连接着见证与承担、痛苦与记忆、怯懦与勇气,而我写下这些文字,是不是就像在这条人链中,悄悄伸出手,去握住下一个人的手?不是为了拯救世界——“如果这件事能被称作拯救的话”——只是为了不让自己成为背过身去的人。微弱如斯,却是我能做的一件小事。

【波士顿书评:https://bostonreviewofbooks.substack.com/p/37b